NOT IN MY OWN STRENGTH
When your doctor tells you the numbers on your blood test results are the highest she has ever seen, it's a bit of a dubious achievement. This is how I came to be diagnosed with hyperthyroidism in mid-September. At first I thought I was feeling worn out due to the late nights and intense stress of starting my first year of teaching while continuing my graduate studies (both part-time). The first obvious symptom I experienced was waking up still exhausted after nine hours of sleep and feeling like a zombie all day, which happened a few times over the course of two weeks. Then when my feet swelled to the point of looking like overstuffed pillows, I finally called my doctor.
I’m sure God’s hand was at work as I managed to get an appointment the very next day. My doctor called with my diagnosis on her way home that evening (a Friday!) A few days later I became too shaky to teach and managed to see an endocrinologist the next day—she had an open appointment because of a cancellation (!) She started me on antithyroid meds immediately. I asked her if stress caused my condition. She believes my recent extended stress triggered my condition but that it was already there genetically. I have since found out I have two close relatives with thyroid issues as well.
Two weeks later, my doctor was surprised how quickly my T3 and T4 hormone levels had dropped and asked me to reduce my dosage. In another two weeks, she called and told me to stop completely—my blood test results now showed my levels to be too low (in hypothyroid range). Because my levels had been so extremely hyperthyroid at the start, the expectation was that my levels would probably go back up again. But now, one month later, I have remained in hypothyroid range. My doctor suspects I may have both Grave’s Disease and Hashimoto’s Disease. Grave’s is an autoimmune condition that can cause hyperthyroidism, and Hashimoto’s is an autoimmune condition that can cause hypothyroidism (though not everyone with hyper- or hypothyroidism has Grave’s or Hashimoto’s.) If this is true, this essentially would mean that I have both hyperthyroidism and hypothyroidism. Unfortunately, they don’t cancel each other out. What it means is that I would likely cycle from one to the other, while sometimes exhibiting symptoms of both.
The major symptoms I am experiencing are physical fatigue, weakness, frequent inability to concentrate, and “brain fog.” I’ve been missing a lot of ministry events these days and though it’s often because I’m physically fatigued, it is sometimes because I can’t think straight. Sometimes I will nap for three hours at a time and other times I will “veg out” in front of the TV (which some of you may know is unlike me). Hardly anyone has seen me experiencing brain fog and it is probably not detectable from my writing or emails because I try to write only when I am feeling clear. I have been writing this blog entry during good moments for about a week now.
The lights are on but nobody’s home
This past week the symptom of brain fog has increased severely for me. It has been very difficult to complete any work because my mind has more frequently had extensive moments of being slow or nearly blank. Last night I spent three hours putting twenty photos into a PowerPoint presentation for class—not because it was difficult but because I was so slow in making decisions and staring at the screen. It was just twenty slides of single photos on a plain black background with no words.
This thyroid condition has certainly been a reminder to me that I must rely on God’s strength, not my own. At Thanksgiving (November 24), I was thankful to God for this blessing in disguise. But I would be dishonest if I tried to pretend that this past week has not been a scary experience. It is much easier for me to accept having physical weakness than mental weakness. I know that my body is not my own but I haven’t often thought of that to include my mental capacity as well. It is frightening to not be able to rely on my brain. And again, I think this must be a reminder that I need to rely on God’s strength and not my “own” mental strength.
However let me also say that I don’t expect this to be a permanent condition (I hope). I think that these symptoms should subside when my doctor figures out an appropriate treatment for me, whether that is medicine or surgery. I have not been on any medicine for the last month (too long to explain now) which may explain why my symptoms are not very controlled at the moment. Right now is a particularly difficult time in the semester to be lacking brain power as a teacher and as a grad student. I had a blood test this past week and will see my doctor this Wednesday. I would appreciate your prayers however you feel led.
I will try to update soon about my condition and about Marisa and about another Bible study.
Photo ©saltyandbright